


It doesn't have to end this way (I won't let it)

by hotelcortez



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt/Comfort, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, Major Character Injury, Multi, Near Death, Near Death Experiences, skz really love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:27:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22177798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotelcortez/pseuds/hotelcortez
Summary: Felix didn’t realise he was bleeding until it was too late.
Relationships: Everyone/Everyone, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)/Everyone
Comments: 41
Kudos: 497





	It doesn't have to end this way (I won't let it)

**Author's Note:**

> *EDIT: considering the news that has come out about woojin, i will not be supporting or writing him anymore. as far as i can tell i have managed to edit him completely out this story. if i have missed anything, please let me know*
> 
> hiiiyaa xx
> 
> so I'm back with a load of angst lol
> 
> this story is actually a plot and a style of writing i've wanted to try for aaaages and even though i put a wip on the line for this, I actually really love it. I've been slacking off on my writing lately, but I promise I'm going to get back to publishing longer fics soon. I hope this is okay in the meantime <3
> 
> tw: gunshot wound, blood, major character injury, VERY near death experience, mentions of a world that's basically ending, idk how to expain that part, but please don't read if this may trigger you, my writing isn't worth it i promise <33

Felix didn’t realise he was bleeding until it was too late.

He’d been so distracted, so busy with everything, that the pain hadn’t registered, the blood hadn’t clicked, the injury hadn’t made itself known until Felix was in a position where he could no longer be saved.

Him and his team were trying to get all the civilians to safety, clearing the danger zone so that everyone could be herded onto the rescue planes and all the families could be reunited and everyone could be safe and healthy in a world that was slowly destroying itself.

It was pure chaos; people screaming, legs running, sirens blaring, buildings collapsing and every bad thing you could think of. There was fire and death and blood and Felix could only run through the devastation, trying to grab onto people’s hands, trying to lead them to somewhere promising, trying to take them somewhere they could recover.

The rescue planes were almost full, the island was almost empty. They’d be ready to take off soon, an entire population saved from the horrors that had ravaged them. Dozens of people now alive after only being expected to die.

It was why Felix had volunteered for the rescue teams, why he had left the complete destruction that was his own country to restore peace in everyone else’s. It was where he had met the seven other people he’d been teamed with and who he now loved more than anything in the world, who he now called home instead of the land that had been taken away from him.

He could still hear them all running around, could see them cradling people and helping kids and pointing out where the safety was. They were helping people, doing the best job they could and somehow managing to bring a small smile to Felix’s lips even through the pain.

Even through all the chaos, he’d always find them.

And now every fibre of his being was telling Felix to find them again, telling him to run to them, telling him to let them hold him and kiss him and remind him how loved he was, because Felix didn’t know how many opportunities he was going to have left to do that.

He hadn’t even felt the shot at first.

It was a small shotgun, held by a terrified man looking for his daughter. Felix supposed he couldn’t blame the man. The world felt like it was ending and many had already died and Felix guessed it was normal to grab a gun when there seemed no chances of survival.

But the man didn’t have to fire. He didn’t have to pull the trigger when Felix told him to calm down and tried to point him towards the planes. He didn’t have to yell and growl and wave the gun in a way that had an almighty bang crashing through the air.

Felix had lunged back, throwing himself in front of a small boy and his mother that had been crouching nearby, feeling them both flinch when the bullet scorched through the air and hit somewhere that had been unknown to them at the time.

But Felix definitely knew where the bullet was now.

It had taken him too long to realise. He’d gotten the man, the boy, and the mother to safety and found the missing girl and run off again to do one last sweep of the island before he finally noticed.

He’d only been a small distance away from the planes, able to see the last people stepping on and all his members starting to close the doors as he went to run over to them. But he’d tripped over some glass on the way and slammed into a pole and almost screamed with the agony that ricocheted through him at the movement.

Every inch of Felix’s skin had scorched with flames, his hip jarring drastically and his hand flying to his side as, only a couple of mangled breaths and tight-lipped screams later, it came away bloody.

And that was when Felix’s heart dropped.

He could only blink, staring down at the red on his fingers like he wasn’t sure what it was there for, like that hand hadn’t just been pressed against his own body which was now leaking with blood.

All the pain rushed to him then, all the dizziness and the fear and the gushing of his blood suddenly making itself known as Felix dazedly watched the side of his shirt turn red, his mouth open and breaths shallow as he processed what it all meant.

He knew what gunshots were supposed to look like. He knew he could have survived if he’d noticed it right away. He knew there was absolutely no saving him now.

But Felix couldn’t bring himself to regret it, not even when his hands flew back to his side and his fingers started to ooze with red and more flames licked up the side of him in a brutal roar of pain. The reason he hadn’t noticed the wound was because he was helping people, because he was saving the world, because he was giving people an opportunity he wouldn’t have anymore.

Felix could have survived, but then he might never have found the missing little girl, then maybe the bullet would have hit the boy instead, and Felix would have never let that happen. Even if it meant he had to die instead.

But as much as Felix wanted to be able to stand around and question the true morals behind his death forever, he knew there was one thing he didn’t have to question. There was one thing he knew from the bottom of his heart.

Felix didn’t want to die alone.

Felix wanted to die around the ones he loved. He wanted to be with Chan, who Felix could see helping one last child into the plane.

With Minho, who was waving to people in the windows, saluting to them and mouthing ‘good luck’ to the ones trying to thank him.

With Changbin, who was carrying around a huge bin bag, feeling it with all the supplies lying around, even picking up a few stray teddy-bears he could reunite with their owners later.

With Hyunjin, who was standing a few feet to the side with his arms wrapped around himself, just processing all the good he’d done.

With Jisung, who was smiling and laughing even through all the dirt and blood on his skin.

With Seungmin, who was already on the phone to one of the pilots, ensuring everyone would have a safe journey home.

With Jeongin, who somehow brightened the whole scene, despite the devastation that had ravaged it.

Felix wanted to be with them. He didn’t want to die without them.

So, he grit his teeth as he started to limp over, the pain unable to stop him as he slowly dragged his way to the ones he loved. His body threatened to give out, legs shaky and vision blurring and dizziness rampant, but he pushed it all back, he ignored it because he needed to be with his friends.

He’d only made it halfway before he heard a cry of his name, his head whipping up as Chan’s voice rang through the air, sounding loud and worried and scared and yet all the beautiful things Felix wanted in the world.

Felix looked up to see Chan had started to separate from the group, was walking in Felix’s vague direction to try and find him, his eyes confused as he scanned the scene for Felix.

Felix wanted to call out to him, but his side was blaring with pain and there were tears in his eyes and all he could manage was a small squeak that had his chest erupting and agony sizzling through him so strongly that he screamed.

Luckily, the scream was enough for Chan to hear, and Felix watched blurrily as Chan’s face whipped to find him, eyes searching for a few seconds before they widened in terror.

Felix watched the exact moment the realisation dawned on Chan’s face, the exact moment that Chan’s eyes landed on the blood, the exact moment Chan’s body tensed horribly and broke out into a terrified sprint and he was suddenly running over to Felix with probably more speed than he’d ever used in his life.

It should have been a reassuring sight. Felix should have been relieved someone was coming to him. But he could only whimper at the fear on Chan’s face, at the panic seizing visibly in his veins.

It had Felix collapsing to the floor, his knees finally giving out and Chan reaching him just in time for Felix to slump into his chest, whimpering into his shirt.

“It’s okay!” Chan almost yelled, lowering Felix to the floor as both their eyes flooded with tears, Chan continuing to speak with a voice that was getting louder and more frantic by the second as he pulled Felix into his lap, “It’s okay! You’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna be alright, Felix. You’re gonna be okay. It’s alright. You’ll be okay.”

The same mantra kept tumbling from Chan’s lips, and Felix couldn’t help but notice how it sounded more like a beg than a certainty, how Chan’s voice was shaking harder with every syllable. He was pushing his hands into Felix’s wound, shushing him when Felix cried out and only shouting louder that it would be okay, that Felix would be okay.

Felix knew that was a lie. He knew he wasn’t going to be okay.

But he’d be damned if Chan and the others weren’t.

“You’re right, hyung,” Felix managed to say, voice weak and strained but still beautiful enough to have Chan look down with all the love in his eyes, “It will be okay. _You’ll_ be okay. All of you will be okay.”

“ _No, Felix_ ,” Chan was sobbing and shaking his head, tears streaming down his face even when Felix reached up to fist his t-shirt, “You’ll be okay too. You have to be okay, Lixie. _You have to_.”

Felix could only manage a small, “I’m sorry,” his body burning as Chan turned around as far as he could and screamed.

“HELP!” Chan yelled, his voice tearing and throat audibly cracking as Felix flinched in his arms, body weaker than it ever had been before, “HELP, PLEASE!”

Felix was able to lean over Chan’s shoulders enough to see when all the other boys jumped at the sound of his voice, all of them turning around and gasping when they saw Felix bundled up in Chan’s arms, blood covering him enough that they could see it all the way from the planes.

Felix cried out when they all started running, when he could hear them shouting for help and first aid as they sprinted over, faces white and terror visibly controlling their every step.

“They’re all coming, Lix,” Chan managed to say, his voice pleading in a way that broke Felix’s heart, “We’re going to get you help and we’ll fix you and you’re going to be okay.”

Felix shook his head. He didn’t want to see them like this. He didn’t want to see them scared. He didn’t want to die if he left them sad.

“I’m sorry,” Felix tried to say again, ignoring Chan shushing him as he tightened his grip on his shirt, “I love you. I love you so much. I’m so sorry.”

But Chan only cried harder, his tears being joined by Seungmin’s as he hit his knees on their right, Jeongin’s whimpers landing to their left, and all the others crashing in with various states of devastation as Felix just tried to look at them all.

He couldn’t let them be sad.

“Th-thank you,” he tried to say, breathing getting harder as he choked around the words, “I couldn’t have done this without you. Thank you for everything.”

“Don’t say that, Felix,” Hyunjin stuttered through the fresh tears now appearing on his face, sobs stuttering against his chest as he pressed a warm hand against Felix’s cheek, suppressing a gasp at the terrifying lack of life under his fingertips, “You don’t need to thank us. You’re not going anywhere, okay? You’re going to stay right here, right here with us _where you belong._ ”

His voice shook on the final words, Jisung bursting into tears at the sound and beginning to weep loudly into his hands as Felix cried out again, trying to turn away from their pain.

“Please,” he whimpered, catching Minho’s eyes in a moment of such desperation that Minho stopped breathing as he wrapped his arms around Jisung, “Please, you’ll all be okay. You have to be okay. You don’t need m-”

“Don’t even finish that sentence!” Changbin cut in with so much ferocity that all of them flinched, the fire only burning harder in their veins as Felix felt his side spiking again with pain, breath getting caught dangerously in his throat, “We need you, Felix. Of course, we need you.”

Felix didn’t have the energy to object, only letting himself cry as Hyunjin moved out the way so Changbin could cup Felix’s face. His rough hands pressed against Felix’s cheeks, thumbs running delicately over the freckles and wiping away the tears as Felix managed to pull his gaze up enough to meet Changbin’s eyes, feeling a fresh wave of agony at the absolute love and panic shining down at him.

“We need you, Lix,” Changbin whispered this time, but it was still somehow louder than any yell, voice desperate and pleading and yet so angelic as Felix listened to it.

He couldn’t imagine dying to any other voice. He couldn’t imagine dying under anyone else’s touch. He couldn’t imagine dying in anyone else’s presence.

This was all Felix needed.

All he needed was to be in Chan’s arms with Changbin leaning over him and everyone else within touching-distance, their presence able to lull Felix into a peaceful sleep.

_“No, Felix!”_

Felix barely heard Jeongin’s cry, his eyes beginning to close and his body beginning to relax and the pain finally starting to fade away as the hands tightened around his face.

_“Felix, stay awake!”_

Felix tried to listen, he really did, but there was a force pulling his body down, there was a place away from the pain, there a promise of no more tears. Felix didn’t want any more tears. He didn’t want to hear the others crying anymore.

So, he let himself be pulled down.

_“Felix, no, stay awake! Fight back! Fight for us!”_

The voice. The voice was shouting now. It was somehow louder than all the rest, somehow louder than all the promises, somehow louder than the peace Felix was being surrounded by.

The voice was Changbin.

It wasn’t just peace, it was warmth. It wasn’t just promises, it was happiness. It wasn’t just a place, it was _love_.

And Felix wanted love. He wanted love more than anything else in the world. He’d deal with all the tears and all the crying and all the pain if it meant he was loved. He’d deal with everything the world threw at him if it meant he got to remain with the seven people he loved most in the world. He’d stay alive forever if it meant he was still with them.

_“You keep fighting, Felix!”_

So, Felix did.

. . .

The next few days were a blur of darkness, pain and worried cries.

Felix didn’t know what was happening. He didn’t know where he was. He didn’t even know if he was alive.

But he kept fighting.

He kept fighting when he felt himself being lifted off the ground, when pain blazed brutally all up his body and he was jostled around in someone’s sprinting arms, mouth open in a silent scream and eyes closed in a beg for unconsciousness.

Felix kept fighting when there were voices screaming all around him. He could hear a demand for surgery and yells for bandages and unfamiliar medical terms being screeched above him as he was moved and poked and turned, unfamiliar faces forcing his eyes open and telling him he had seven people waiting for him.

Felix kept fighting when everything went black, when the entire world faded away and all noise was silenced and he found himself trapped in the pitch black. It was suffocating. It was isolating. It was awful. His every cell was tugged, his every vein was pulled, his every inch of skin was forced in every direction of the darkness. He could practically feel himself being forced out of existence. He could hear something powerful trying to tell him where he was supposed to be.

But Felix kept fighting

He kept fighting even when there was a light. A light that called to him. A light that beckoned him. A light that was absolutely beautiful. He wanted to let himself to tugged into the light, he wanted to completely lose himself to its warmth.

But then he heard it.

He heard the beg.

It was far in the distance, almost like it was speaking from a whole other realm, but Felix could still hear it loud and clear.

“Felix” it was Chan’s voice, sounding broken and beaten and weak in a way it never should be, but it still had fireworks exploding Felix chest. That voice brought Felix relief. That voice brought him happiness. That voice made him want to live.

“I don’t know if you can hear me.”

 _Yes!_ Felix wanted to scream, wanted to yell and curse and bellow until his throat tore and his eyes watered and he was finally visible to the one he loved more than anything, _Yes! I can hear you!_

But it was useless, Felix’s body was still being ripped at the shreds and the light was descending further and further upon him, surrounding him to the point he could barely breathe. It was supposed to be perfect, it was supposed to be everything Felix ever wanted, but Felix couldn’t help but fight against it. He didn’t want its peace; he wanted his lovers.

“They don’t even know if you’re going to wake up,” Chan kept speaking through Felix’s struggle, tremors audible in his voice and an emotional strain that Felix could feel himself breaking at, “But if there is some tiny, stupid, impossible chance that you can hear me, then I need you to prove them wrong.”

Felix wanted to cry. He wanted to feel his body put itself back together again so he could collapse to the floor and bury his face in his knees and cry.

Chan shouldn’t sound that devastated. Chan shouldn’t sound that desperate. The beautiful, strong, brave, wonderful Chan should never be reduced to a broken soldier at a bedside.

“I need you to wake up, Felix,” Felix could hear Chan crying, a strange warmth enveloping his hand as a salty liquid ran down his wrist, Chan’s tears somehow real in wherever Felix was, only breaking his heart further as he tried again to duck away from the light.

“We _all_ need you to wake up,” Chan spoke forcefully, like he couldn’t get the words out his lips, like he was biting his knuckles as he was saying them, “You have to do as Changbin says, sweetheart. You have to keep fighting.”

The final break in Chan’s voice was the last straw. An entire tidal wave of grief roared through Felix’s body and he felt himself snap. The light disappeared with a click and suddenly Felix was tumbling, tumbling, tumbling through the darkness.

He was falling and there was no more light and he was falling and he could hear so many voices and he was falling and the whole world was rushing back to him. And yet, somehow, through all the screams and all the protests and Felix’s entire life flashing before his eyes, Chan’s voice was louder than all of it.

“You need to keep fighting, Felix, for _us_.”

So, Felix did.

. . .

The next time Felix opened his eyes, he was back in the real world.

He didn’t know where he had been before, he wouldn’t even remember it in a couple of hours, but he was incredibly relieved to wake up in the same world he’d gone to sleep in.

It took him a few blinks to work out he was in a hospital bed. There were white sheets, white walls, white furniture and a little red-haired boy curled up asleep by Felix’s bedside.

Felix couldn’t stop the smile from tugging up at his lips, a feeling of content travelling through him as he lazily turned his head to where Jeongin was dozing, limbs folded in the tiny hospital chair. The sight was adorable and Felix wished he knew where his phone was so he could take a picture and remember it forever.

It was safe to say, Felix valued his memories a lot more now.

But the thing Felix still valued most in the world was obviously his precious boys, so he contented himself with squeezing lightly on Jeongin’s hand and managing a small smile as he watched the boy wake up.

Felix wanted to coo when Jeongin snuffled to himself and brought up a hand to rub at his face, muttering slightly as Felix had to resist the urge to turn towards him, not wanting to aggravate the ache in his side.

“Hyung, what?” Jeongin said sleepily before realisation seemed to come over him and his entire body jolted, bolting up in the seat with a gasp, meeting Felix’s eyes in a moment that had him squealing, “Felix-hyung! Baby! You’re awake!”

Felix ignored the pain as he giggled, a couple of tears springing to his eyes as Jeongin started bawling, face streaming with tears as he sobbed and screeched and lunged forward to fist a hand in Felix’s hospital gown and bury his face in his chest.

“I’m so happy you’re awake, hyung!” he cried, “Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re alive. You’ve no idea what you put us through. Your heart stopped multiple times and they practically had to cut you open on the plane and oh my god you were _screaming_ but then you suddenly stopped and we thought we’d lost you. We really thought we’d lost you.”

Jeongin sobbed on every word, Felix’s gown soaking with tears as he brought up an arm to rub shakily at Jeongin’s back, still feeling weak from the injury but not hesitating to whisper in Jeongin’s ear.

“It’s okay, I’m here now, I’m alive,” Felix said, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that happened. I think I felt a lot of it, I remember parts of it, but you never should have had to see it. I’m so sorry.”

“God, hyung, don’t apologise!” Jeongin pulled his head out of Felix’s chest and stared him directly in the eye, tightening his grip on his gown as he spoke through his tears, “Don’t ever, ever be sorry for this. We should be thanking you. You kept fighting through all of that and you were strong enough to stay alive. Was it for us? Did you live for us?”

Felix nodded without thinking, swallowing around his own tears as he managed to croak his next words out, cupping Jeongin’s face with small, shaky fingers, “I couldn’t be anywhere without you. Not even in death. Not ever.”

Jeongin smiled even as he sobbed, managing a laugh as he nuzzled his face against Felix’s neck, uttering _thank you_ over and over again into his skin as Felix only shushed him, letting himself relax into Jeongin’s warmth.

He’d missed Jeongin’s love.

But it wasn’t just Jeongin’s love Felix had missed, and he was relieved to find it wasn’t long before the door was opening and Hyunjin, Jisung and Seungmin were shuffling in, all of them yelling at Felix’s very much open eyes.

They were at his bedside in a flash, yelling that he was never allowed to do that again and they were going to wrap him in cotton wool and protect him forever and somewhere in all the shouting they may have said that they loved him so, so much.

And Felix said he loved them too. He said it over and over again as they held him, as they rubbed his side and ran their fingers through his hair and cried into his chest, promising to never let him go as Felix let them cherish him.

And there were only more tears when Changbin walked in.

Changbin spoke so fast, practically rapping as he launched himself at Felix and cradled him close, planting kisses on his cheeks and his hair and his forehead and rubbing his back as he talked about how thankful he was that Felix was alive.

Felix could only laugh and cry some more, feeling the same tingle of happiness when Chan and Minho came in, cradling him like he was made of diamonds as they whispered and sang to him, fingers delicate and voices soft as they made him remember just how happy he was to be alive.

Felix couldn’t have died that day, he wouldn’t have survived it.

He wouldn’t have survived without the way Changbin started to always stroke a thumb over his freckles after they went home. It was the last touch Felix remembered before he’d almost died, the last flash of warmth that he’d clung to before everything had been cold.

Changbin seemed to have felt it too; he was always cupping Felix’s face after that day. He would stroke his cheeks and kiss his nose and whisper that he was so, so glad Felix was still there.

And during one of those times, late at night when another mission had just finished and they were all cold and tired and questioning why they’d ever agreed to rescuing in the first place, Changbin would cup Felix’s face again and look him in the eye and ask him why.

“Why?” he’d whisper, questions swirling around with the pure love in his eyes, “Why did you come back to this? Why did you stay alive in a world that’s only going to fall apart?"

And Felix wouldn’t even think before he’d answer.

“You told me to keep fighting, hyung,” he’d say, “So I did.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!!
> 
> I hope this was okay?? I've never really tried something like this before so feedback would really be appreciated <33
> 
> like I said, I really am going to try and get back to writing longer, more adequate fics soon. I'm sorry it's been so long, I hope shorter stories like these are still okay. I have gotten started on a longer one, so when life gets a little less crazy I'll finish it xx
> 
> also (fun fact!!) in my original plan for this story felix actually died so this is probably not actually a very fun fact but hey at least i kept him alive
> 
> twitter: @hotelfelixxie
> 
> please have an amazing, wonderful, beautiful day <33


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